The Jesus Card

Butler, W.
10/22/2011

Thanks to the last two cops who used this car, a higher power was watching over us during our shift.

No Hablo, Motherfuckers

Butler, W.
08/31/2011

The French are snobs. At least that’s what many Americans say. But if you ever get a chance to visit France, especially Paris, watch how many American tourists walk right up to random strangers and blather on in English. Or, without so much as a greeting, ask, “Hey, do you speak English?”

Not a Hero

Butler, W.
08/16/2011

Once upon a time, I was my own boss with a small operation and a handful of employees, among which was a cute little redhead named Jackie. One night, at closing time, some fool tried to slip her a roofie. I chased him down the street with a cattle prod and beat his ass down.

La Puerta Cerrada

Butler, W.
08/02/2011

The 9-1-1 caller is a woman with hairy arms and a mustache. She’s from a remote Indian tribe somewhere in South America, speaks some Spanish, no English. She lives in an 8-room building with one shared bathroom. I’m trying to figure out why she thinks she needs the police.

Zookeepers

Butler, W.
06/29/2011

Back in the day, the ten-story brick building on Sodomy Boulevard might have been a nice place to live. Now it’s full of Section 8 tenants. The live-in security guard–probably the only white resident–tells me that the building is owned by an Israeli mobster. Interesting, but that’s not the reason we’re here.