Deal or No Deal?

Butler, W.
03/17/2011

You get pulled over by the police. You end up with a ticket. For the sake of brevity, it doesn’t matter what for. What matters is that you decide to fight the ticket. But you miss your court date. A judge charges you with failure to appear in court. Your total in fines and fees: almost $1,500.

Dragon Breath

Butler, W.
01/10/2011

Some fool in a white Hyundai flips a bitch right in front of me. I light his ass up, step out of my car, and approach. I tap on the driver’s window. He rolls it down, releasing a blast of hot air. It reeks of booze. Fuck. I hate doing DUIs.

No, Fuck You

Butler, W.
10/18/2010

My partner, Shaq, and I are on a traffic stop. Sergeant Tony Carrasquillo is bored. He swings by to shoot the shit with us. It’s all routine until some jackass in a convertible BMW rolls by. He shouts, “Fuck you pigs!” and salutes us with his middle finger.

Captain’s Orders

Butler, W.
09/20/2010

Sergeant Tony Carrasquillo doesn’t look happy. “Listen guys, the captain wants numbers,” he says. “Direct quote: ‘I don’t care about felonies. Bring me numbers.’” The captain wants tickets. It seems upper management places more value in a stack of bullshit infractions than locking up gangsters.

Future Felon

Butler, W.
08/20/2010

The little boy claimed to be 13 years old. He looked more like eight. Maybe he was just underdeveloped. Or maybe he was lying. I asked him if his parents knew where he was. “Yea,” he replied. Bullshit. He was riding in a van full of gangsters.